I have experienced love bombing first hand. My emotional self felt akin to being thrown into a washing machine and set to the spin cycle (ON REPEAT).
So what actually is Love Bombing? It is where someone creates an intense, fast-moving intimate relationship filled with grandiose gestures and extravagance. The love bomber will lure you in with an unlimited supply of compliments and attention that will make your head and heart spin!
Of course not all people who act this way are love bombers – there are many people out there in genuine, healthy, loving relationships. So how can you tell if you are in the grips of a love bomber? Here are some warning signs to look out for:
1. They’ll tell you they are falling in love with you way too fast
2. The communication is excessively over the top
3. They always want your full attention
4. They’ll gush that you are their ‘soul mate’ or ‘the one’
5. They’ll put you up on a pedestal
6. It will feel like they are ‘too good to be true’
7. They’ll swoop in like a superhero and ‘save’ you
8. They’ll bombard you with grand gestures and gifts
So what happens after the onslaught of adoration? Well next comes the devaluation stage. After a while you’ll find your love bomber starts making snide remarks about your physical appearance, your career, your friends and family. They will demand you implement specific changes which could be anything from losing weight, to cutting ties with specific friends or family members that the love bomber feels threatened by.
If the love bomber’s requests are not met, they may move to the abandonment stage e.g. ‘If you don’t do what I ask, it’s because you don’t really love me and I will leave you’.
Love bombing does not only occur in romantic relationships but can also occur in the workplace or with friends and family members who have narcissistic traits. They may have phases of treating you well followed by abuse, in line with the cycle explained above.
My love bomber messaged me relentlessly every day, bought me expensive jewellery, promised an overseas trip to London and even wrote me love poetry. It was a long descent when I came off that pedestal and I spent many months nursing my emotional self back to optimum health. On the upside, I learnt some extremely valuable albeit hard lessons!!
In my next blog, we’ll look at the Projection technique.